Social Security Gifts

'What's that noise?'

"If I apply for early Social Security, I get this. If I wait until I only have one life left, I get this."

"If he'd worked for a few more years he might have got a decent state pension...But then he goes and dies on me at the tender age of 97!"

Chasing Pensions

Friends With Social Security Benefits

Social Security: "Please- we've had enough of the hot air from both of you!"

"We're not accusing you of abusing the system, but I understand you've been on Social Security for 150 years."

"They want to push back the age at which we'll be denied social security benefits."

Social Security benefits are rising...But the system's runnin out of bread.

Boomers and Bummer

'It's incredible - one in six people alive today will live to see retirement.'

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'Social Security is good for young workers too - without it i'd have to work more years, surpressing all wages, and giving you less opportunity for advancement.'

congress 'Von Krupt has a bill to hike taxes and cut social security — he calls it the 'misery compromise.''

Pre-Old Blues

"I said slime."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

Cuba applauds its doctors

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'Every year local authorities whinge on about needing more money to maintain services.'

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

Social Worker

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'