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'Hey, I'm not asking for a 'handout'. A 'stipend' or 'honorarium' would be just fine.'

Gutter Gymnasts.

"Talk about climate change- my kid just moved back home."

'At least I don't have to live from paycheck-to-paycheck anymore.'

Political convention

"You know, there are other emojis."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"I always wondered who got my transplant."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"Can I air quote you on that?"

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

"Actually, we will replace you."

Top Soviet Dissident Freed

Bank Cuts Jobs. . . Employees in Need!

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

'I believe in the free enterprise system. I haven't paid for anything in the past 27 years...'

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"But how many followers do you have?"

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

Lobster a la Riseholme!

'Bad enough they always ask what the worst case scenario is. Must they always look so damned happy asking it?'

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"So your therapist thinks you're suffering from delusions of grandeur. But just to be on the safe side, let's invade the Low Countries before they side with Britain."