Social Networks Pillows

'Want me to share your reading on your social media?'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

Lynching on social media

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

Moses on the web

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

CEO with SEO

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Dear Wendy, please excuse the tardiness of my response to your recent tweet from Hoboken."

Likes: $2.

"#Win!"