Social Media Sleuths Pillows

"We're finding out who's naughty and who's nice by following them on Facebook."

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"So who is this First pet?"

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

Hidden Facebook Features

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

Facebook in the Boxing Ring

"I'm majoring in Communications with a minor in Leaking!"

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

I'd rather be phishing.

'Computer crime' 'To see your belongings visit our website www,burgular.com'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

'...if he only knew what I wrote about him on my blog.'

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

I CAME. I FOLLOWED. I COMMENTED. I SHARED.

Fakebook

"Like WikiLeaks has nothing better to do."

Able to Google Stuff Man

"Don't mind me. I'm just nosy."

'Tell me something about yourself that I haven't Googled.'

Identity in the networks

"If I were a TV reporter, I'd report only good stuff!"

Social Media When People Have A Perfect Life/Reality TV When People Have A Screwed Up Life

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

"They stay together for the money."