Social Media Sleuth Gifts

"And, just like that, Facebook is giving us ads for used cars, optometrists, and couples counselling."

"Once we wean them off their obsession with looking at their phones, we'll release them back into the wild."

"Don't worry, daddy already knows and likes you. He's hacked all your social media accounts."

"Before I came I googled your name....did you hold up a convenience store in 2003?"

"I see there's a photo of you riding a goat in the nude drinking from a beer can attached to your hat. For future reference, employers now check social media."

"Finished with the health questionnaire? Good. Now the doctor will corroborate your answers with the data we've collected on you from social media."

"Did you research and verify before posting this?"

"Anyone else get a friend request from a Colonel Sanders?"

"Simon!!! What on earth have you tweeted this time!?"

"Hmph! Your uploaded photos tell a different story."

"Dead birds don't tweet, Joey."

Hidden Facebook Features

"Why do you insist on double-checking every piece of my gossip on social media?"

"I googled you and I'm not interested."

Modern Warfare

"Sure you've got references, but if you don't have any social media accounts we can snoop in on, forget it."

"He doesn't parrot what you say but he does retweet everything in his feed."

She unfriended me on Facebook.

"Good news! We found her on social media! By the way, she has 459 friends."

"An excellent CV but there seem to be a FEW discrepancies with your social media feed for August 2016."

"But I'm hot on the trail of my Google doppelgänger."

"I saw photos of you at some party and you looked drunk or worse! Don't be stupid." "Stop checking up on me on social media, it's annoying!! Get a life, Dad!"

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

Social Media When People Have A Perfect Life/Reality TV When People Have A Screwed Up Life

'Yeah, I still use old fashion Facebook. I gotta monitor what my parents are up to!'

He's just discovered on 'Friends Reunited' that his ex-wife is now called 'George' and living with a swimwear model in Dorking.

Facebook: We do not say 'Nyet' to hostile political ads. Payment in rubles is O.K.

'I'd like to file a restraining order against this guy who keeps following me on the social websites!'

'OMG! Why is 'trending' trending?'

'Let's stay in, have a quiet dinner, and creep our kids facebook pages.'

No one dared to unfriend Jack.

'I see from your profile that you are 5ft 3, have blond hair and like red wine.'