Social Media Manager Pillows

"I used to call people, then I got into e-mailing, then texting, and now I just ignore everyone."

Collected works

"I just think it sends the wrong message."

Better Living Through Technology

'Oh, for heaven's sake What kind of ridiculous thing did you put on your facebook now, Jake'

"When I asked you to read a book, I didn't mean Facebook."

'Gentlemen, our social media strategy is simple: the more time our marketeers spend on Twitter, the less harm they can do elsewhere.'

"It's simple, really. Just figure out what the honorable thing to do is – and make it look like we did it."

'Has the jury tweeted a verdict?'

Information vs. Opinion Desks

'What seems to be the problem? I only have one 'like' for dinner?'

Paranoia vs Social Currency.

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

Creative entrepreneur at work

'Needs to be more tweetable.'

Baby Mobile

"I'm not wasting my life online - I'm building my brand."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"The greatest advance of the digital era has been the rebranding of narcissism as sharing."

"Good afternoon, Ted. I'm your online presence."

'Can't talk right now. I'm simulating happiness on Facebook.'

"Well, if it's any consolation, your social media makes it looks like you're absolutely thriving."

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'But to end on a positive note: our company is now on Twitter!'

"I'm trying to see if there's any truth to the rumor I started."

You can also follow me on social media websites.

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

'Selfie' on top of Everest. . . 3 likes. Breakfast at base camp. . . 359 likes!!

'Mom, can't we stop to look at the Grand Canyon?'

'You know, it's a lot easier to just follow me on twitter.'

"Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers."

"We don't communicate any more..."

'What this business really needs now is some credibility...so let's start with 1,000 social media followers, how much will that set us back??'

'They're not my family. They're just a few of my Twitter and Facebook friends.'