Social Media Acquaintance Gifts

Cat informs owner someone unfollowed her on social media.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

21st century water cooler conversations.

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Digital Fomo!

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

Trick or Tweet

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

Network Extending from Buttonhole

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

How logos change over time.

"She looks just like in your photos."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

The Thinker?

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."