Social Joker Pillows

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

". . . So that's 4 birdies, 1 eagle, 2 ferrets and a rabbit!"

"Hate to see you leave, Dave...especially since it was just last week that I learned you worked for me."

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Eucharist

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

Minority Report Is Real

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

#NoJunk

"I'm sorry, but I assumed it was a fancy dress costume..."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

'The pro told me my score of 392 is a course record!'

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

"Ha ha, I guess my photo on the dating site may have been a little misleading."

"I'm on the internet, dad...I am trolling!"

"Allow me to introduce my wife - she's been giving me the silent treatment since 1982."

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

First Church: Today's Sermon - Sinners Looking At Their Smartphones Instead of Listening To The Sermon Will Go Straight To Hell.

Eye clinic

"Never mind about star signs what blood group are you"

"I was at a party and got some avocado dip in my eye..."

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."

"I didn't see you at camouflage practice today, soldier!"

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

"I can't tell from this far away, but he's either enlightened or dead."

Valentine's Day Cards. Do you have one somewhere between affection and commitment?

Community Board: Free Paper Ripping Lessons

Saint Joseph and his aspirin

"A BCN DBLE CHZBRGR w/ FRYS"

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