Social Escapist Gifts

"You know what you're running here, Lou? You're running a haven, that's what you're running here, Lou."

Black belts in the ancient art of avoidance

"The floor is any human contact."

Clancy: Just the One

Bo're'droom

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"I'd like to book 10 days going anywhere they've never heard of Brexit."

Tree house.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

'Man, I'm sick of thinking...can't someone flip on a T.V. or something?'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

SEMINAR CANCELLED: Feel free to doodle.

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."