Soccer Superstar Enthusiast Pillows

Wayne Rooney

Fly Football

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

The trauma of losing.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Ball as water-melon.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Kenny Dalglish

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Egyptian Football

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

Centaur Forward

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

Watching the football.

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

Wilfried Zaha

"We've got the same ringtone!" (Two guys opening ring pull drinks cans).

Football