Soccer Scholar Pillows

Carlo Ancelotti

Football Fans

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'I really crammed last night.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Football

Ball as water-melon.

K9 Literati

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

National Academy of Sport

'I think I've scored.'

The Goalkeeper

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Football team discussions.

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

The Giamatti era

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Are you aware...Professional soccer players who fake fouls with pretend injuries are eligible for a soccer oscar!

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

Football player taking the ball home.

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

Baseball players and their qualifications.

Footballer kicking his own brain.

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

"Me, a footballer. . ?"

A scarecrow goalie