Soccer Announcer Gifts

'My dad's a soccer announcer.'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

I think you're ace

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Kenny Dalglish

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

Tennis ball girl.

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

American Football.

Cricket widow's revenge 2

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.