Soccer Admirer Pillows

Dog and hedgehog playing football.

Fly Football

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

The trauma of losing.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

Raheem Sterling

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Ball as water-melon.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Egyptian Football

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

Centaur Forward

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Watching the football.

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

Football

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"