Sober Warrior Pillows

'12-step Meetings Alcoholics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous and Junk Food Anonymous.'

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"The fifth wine has bright apple and pear notes, with just the barest hint of a blinding headache."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

"About time!"

Turkey...cold turkey.

"Well, you call it note-passing and whispering. We call it networking."

Drink kills.

Healthy Ultimatum

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

"Please scream inside your heart"

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

"You know what I miss? Those lazy, crazy, hazy days when we were drinking."

Beware Of The Hog...

'I dreamed I joined a twelve-step program.'

"I am as sober as a judge, but I will need you to blow into this to prove it."

"How's your dry January going?"

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

'It's the only place I'm able to smoke !'

No smoking graveyard.

A bored unshaven guard sat on a chair.

'I don't go outside much since I gave up smoking. I associate it too much with having a ciggie.'

Designated driver at a party.

Alcoholics Antonymous

One day Bob Hope to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

Spin the Bottle on Student Drinking

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

"-And now, gentleman, raise your glasses...."

"Dry January?"

'Why am I always the designated driver?'

'Surely you have one friend who could stay sober long enough to be Best Man?'

"Go on!"