Sober Warrior Pillows

Snorting lines of the road on the way to rehab.

'12-step Meetings Alcoholics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous and Junk Food Anonymous.'

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"The fifth wine has bright apple and pear notes, with just the barest hint of a blinding headache."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

"About time!"

Turkey...cold turkey.

"Well, you call it note-passing and whispering. We call it networking."

Drink kills.

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

Healthy Ultimatum

"Please scream inside your heart"

"You know what I miss? Those lazy, crazy, hazy days when we were drinking."

Beware Of The Hog...

'Do you find it easy not to think about alcohol?'

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

'I dreamed I joined a twelve-step program.'

"I am as sober as a judge, but I will need you to blow into this to prove it."

"How's your dry January going?"

'It's the only place I'm able to smoke !'

No smoking graveyard.

'I don't go outside much since I gave up smoking. I associate it too much with having a ciggie.'

A bored unshaven guard sat on a chair.

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Designated driver at a party.

Alcoholics Antonymous

One day Bob Hope to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

Spin the Bottle on Student Drinking

"-And now, gentleman, raise your glasses...."

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

"Dry January?"

'Why am I always the designated driver?'

'Surely you have one friend who could stay sober long enough to be Best Man?'