Sober Anniversary Pillows

'I dreamed I joined a twelve-step program.'

Real Hopscotch: 'A 12-Step Program for the addiction to scotch.'

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Over the long haul, it's been a long haul."

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"I'm making an effort to limit my dependence on foreign vodka.

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

"About time!"

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

'Well at least we know there's no chance of either of us being over the drink-drive limit!'

'I've been clean for six months now.'

Turkey...cold turkey.

'OK, so, where were we? Oh right - I'm looking for someone to fill in for me while I'm in rehab.'

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

Drink kills.

Mournapalooza

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

A slap-up meal.

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"I'm getting not-so-subtle hints of Dry January remorse, envy and resentment."

'My name's Steve, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm pretty sure the guy vomiting behind my chair is too.'

Designated Drivers Area

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

Ask Sadie. Sadie, my wife deserves so much more than I can give her. What can I buy her for our upcoming 36th wedding anniversary? - Wayne. *Actual reader letter. The 36th wedding anniversary? Isn't that wood paneling? What? First is paper, second is cotton, third is leather, and so forth. But wood paneling? Stucco? She has no clue. But she intuits these are the remodeling years.

"And they said it would never last."

"You know what I miss? Those lazy, crazy, hazy days when we were drinking."

Snorting lines of the road on the way to rehab.

"It's our anniversary, bring us your best bottle of beer."

"How's your dry January going?"

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Designated driver at a party.

A conversation between two friends