Snow Day Strategist Pillows

"The shovel's just a prop. I contract out the actual snow removal."

'I'll take ten, please.'

'Removal sounds politically incorrect.'

'It's snowing, Edna. Call the office and tell them I can't make it in.'

"In solidarity with everyone who is snowed in across the country, I'postponing my New Year's resolution to exercise."

Health food - salt substitute

'No, my mom can't come to the phone. She's digging out a bus route to my school.'

"It's a bit derivative."

"Whoa! You must have eight rugs on! How's that feel? Are you warm enough?"

"Remember you making fun of me for using a litter box? Well, good luck going outside now that it's freezing out."

"It could be worse, at least we don't have to vote in this weather."

Winter shopping

"How about all my desserts for a week, and I take out the garbage?"

"Your snow fort may be bigger, but mine comes with all the technology of a smart home."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"If they want a snowball fight, then I'll give them one."

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

"This is the best day ever!" "This is the worst day ever!"

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Due to the record snowfall, every school on the face of the earth is closed except for Wolfbranch Elementary.'

'Gee, where are all the crowds this year?'

"Of course I gained weight...it snowed last night."

'Every time we clear all the snow another blizzard hits. We're cursed men Frank. Cursed!'

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

Staying Warm.

Phone Mittens

Angels making snow humans

'I guess we should have expected a seasonal slump.'

"It's a snowman, dear. Assembly required."

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

Recycled Flake

Music shop's sign: We have 'Sleigh Bells'. Weather Bureau's sign: You're gonna need them.

Ice skating

"The National Weather Service is warning these areas to brace for what could be a crippling amount of Instagrammed snow photos."