Snarky Gift Giver Gifts

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Some cars need a backseat steering wheel.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"It is my place!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Traffic calming ahead.

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

WC problem.

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Bagel problems.

Shop for cats

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

Masky Christmas!