Snail Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I don't care if she is a tape dispenser. I love her."

"He's long gone, sheriff - you'll never catch him."

A naked, shell-less Snail posing for art student snails.

'Sorry Sir, but you don't seem to be covered for hail damage...'

'Yes, I'm from Egypt... How did you guess?

"By the time I got my race number it was over."

'Hommes.'

'Fred suddenly regretted having drunk so much coffee...'

"This is exciting! My first marathon."

London: 13,657,940 Inches.

"Sheep gave me stress."

'Oops. Oh well...5-hour rule, right, Marv?'

'Well, there don't seem to be any broken bones, ,,, Ha I've always wanted to say that,'

"Excuse me, I have a cold."

'Yeah, when I retire I'm going to get myself an RV, too.'

'Well, if you're in such a hurry, why did you order snails?'

'The great thing about being a snail is that I always have a good excuse for being late...'

'Dude! You forgot your helmet!'

Big game hunting in France.

Snail ordering 'Hommes.'

Earth Snail

'I think I'll go for a leek!'

"Don't worry, I get paid by the hour."

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'I like the new extension.'

'No Timmy, this gentleman is not homeless: He is a slug...'

Divorce settlement

'We're curious as to why you claimed double the amount of miles you slithered for business purposes over the last two tax years?'

The escargots are a little underdone.

'Thickening mucus is life's way of telling you to slow down.'

'Yes, I'm from Egypt... How did you guess?'

"Look! It's the Buy-to-let brigade."

"Poor soul, he's homeless"

'First, you've got to learn to slow down...'

'Believe me, you don't know how lucky you are to be able to work at home.'