Snail Enthusiast Gifts

"I don't care if she is a tape dispenser. I love her."

"He's long gone, sheriff - you'll never catch him."

A naked, shell-less Snail posing for art student snails.

'Yes, I'm from Egypt... How did you guess?

'Sorry Sir, but you don't seem to be covered for hail damage...'

'Hommes.'

"By the time I got my race number it was over."

'Fred suddenly regretted having drunk so much coffee...'

"Sheep gave me stress."

"This is exciting! My first marathon."

London: 13,657,940 Inches.

'Dude! You forgot your helmet!'

'Yeah, when I retire I'm going to get myself an RV, too.'

'The great thing about being a snail is that I always have a good excuse for being late...'

'Could this broadband be any slower?'

'Oops. Oh well...5-hour rule, right, Marv?'

"Excuse me, I have a cold."

'Well, there don't seem to be any broken bones, ,,, Ha I've always wanted to say that,'

'Well, if you're in such a hurry, why did you order snails?'

At least he went peacefully at home.

Snail ordering 'Hommes.'

'Yes, I'm from Egypt... How did you guess?'

"Poor soul, he's homeless"

'I'm sorry, but just don't think I can handle a long distance relationship right now.'

'We're curious as to why you claimed double the amount of miles you slithered for business purposes over the last two tax years?'

'I like the new extension.'

Caution Slippery.

Arctic Snails.

"And how long have you been agoraphobic?"

"Look! It's the Buy-to-let brigade."

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'Thickening mucus is life's way of telling you to slow down.'

'First, you've got to learn to slow down...'

'you knew I didn't have a backbone when you married me!'

"Don't worry, I get paid by the hour."