Snack King Pillows

"Most men have a tankard, but oh no, not you."

"My chips need more salsa."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Hungry child

'Not that sort of body building program!'

Bad for you but to die for

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Honest Vending

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Love is when you watch television together.

Jewish Geometry

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Stupid Microwave

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'