Smuggler Pillows

'I think we've just found the 'big cheese' in the notorious jewellery smuggling ring, Bert!'

My parrot died.

'That was fun!'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

"Everything's gone up."

Hair Traffic control.

"You go ahead and sleep, girl. I’m sure Philip Roth won’t be offended."

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

"Looks like someone found a warm spot."

'No cheating'

Fashion Mistake.

My broker went to Antigua ... I had to settle for Coney Island.

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'For Sale Used Only Once.'

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

'And don't forget the eggs dear'

Executive sitting behind desk with one box labelled 'Bid' and the other box labelled 'Ask'.

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

"The forty thousand dollars includes a rear view mirror!"

"I have this nagging feeling we've forgotten something..."

Discount Shopping.

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

'You didn't realise she was so expensive? The clue is in the name!'

At last! We've found their elusive burial grounds!

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

Garage Sales Anonymous

"Hey, buddy. I seeka da mayo."

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."