Smooth Talker Fan Gifts

'You're the first page 3 girl I've met today.'

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

Bryan Ferry

"I'm fascinated by body language."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

'May I have the key to your heart?'

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"The people will not tolerate people speaking on behalf of the people any longer!"

"So, do you walk the talk? Replete the tweet? Sext the text?"

'We should talk more.'

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

The Language of Love

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

'Hey, come back with my laptop!' 'Ha, some spy he is!'

Honey I'm Home

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

"I did it!"

'For the last time: no, you could not interest me in a cold fusion experiment!'

Propriety

"Go on, breath in the helium from the balloon, you'll sound all squeaky like me..."

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

'Sparky's amazing ability to speak to humans betrays him...'

Only a handful of people are this small.

'This court hereby sentences you to fifteen months in an imaginary box.'

J. Ludlow: Soldier, Statesman, Author, Windbag.

'Is something wrong Kevin... we don't talk anymore!'