Speeding Smooth Talker Gifts

'Where is my regular man?'

Bryan Ferry

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'May I have the key to your heart?'

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

"So, do you walk the talk? Replete the tweet? Sext the text?"

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

The Language of Love

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that? Many times. How would you like to be the "after" image in my new ad touting the health benefits of our new nonfat kale macchiato. Let me guess: You'd also like an old picture of me where I was weak and puny, so you can claim that's the "before" picture. Don't worry, I've got that part covered. Something about you looked different today, Rudy. Would you like fries with that observation?

Girl reads a book called Speed Texting For Everyday Use

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

J. Ludlow: Soldier, Statesman, Author, Windbag.

"Idolistentopodcastsatdoublespeed. How'dyouknow?"

"You look so beautiful. Twinkling in the moonlight."

'For the last time: no, you could not interest me in a cold fusion experiment!'

'Gentlemen, gentlemen, yes the neutrino beats the speed of light; but let's wait for the dope test.'

"Let's hope his sale pitches are better than his passes."

"So, let me get this straight... When you told me you could manage a hundred and twenty words per minute, you thought I meant how many words you could speak?..."

"You can try all you want, but being smooth is just something you're born with."

Detox meets Botox.

"Compliments of the gentleman who obviously has no issues with rejection."

"I prefer to think of it as travel size."

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'Expensive wine, long-stem roses, imported candies...wasn't our argument about MY spending habits?'

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

"Let me tell you Belinda. . . you certainly don't belong on the beginner's slope."

"You say the nicest things. . . and perfectly sober as well."