Smoky Situation Appreciator Pillows

"Don't worry – it's medical marijuana."

Phoenix

'We've been enjoying the ambiance for 20 minutes. Now we'd like to enjoy some service.'

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

Committee On Feline Healthcare

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"More ashtray, nurse! For God's sake, more ashtray!"

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

"Ignore it. Telemarketer."

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

'Let's play some cards, boys. Oh, and by the way, the wife said if we figure out how to light these cigars we can smoke in the bowl.'

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"I love this planet!"

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

'They say it's a bad sign when the pigeons are coughing.'

"Boy needs bigger tire."

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

"You'll love this internet cafe. It's got great blogosphere."

"I guess the term 'thin air' no longer applies."

Fish "Hey Kid, got a light?"

Snatching Failure from the Jaws of Success

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

Smoke Signals

'The return of the Jehovah's Witnesses'

"And then one day I thought - 'what the hell?!'. . . I'm endangered anyway."

"You're too young to be smoking!"

"The sound of violins, the night, the wine, the ambience—but most of all, Louise, you!"

"You want me to pee in that cup. From here?"

The worst part about the end of a ninja convention is all the smoke bombs.

'The entire Nadler family was devoured by a flesh-eating bathroom fungus.'

'Globalization never did me any harm.'