Smoking Story Swapper Gifts

"I'm trying to quit Twitter."

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

'Which dog is named 'BOGART'?'

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

"That's why you don't smoke near the dang cannon!"

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

"Thanks, but there's really nothing to do while the meat's smoking."

'I'm coping.'

"He said if we don't let him in, he'll huff and he'll puff and he'll fill up our whole house with cigar smoke."

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"We've got kind of a noir thing happening here, Manny. The girlie cigarette doesn't exactly add."

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'We'll leave the corn alone if you never tell that dumb story about Dorothy and Toto again.'

"I'm ready to switch"

Prehistoric Cigarette Lighter

"We were thinking, J.W., just off the top of our heads, of course—why not make the stuff addictive?"

Tim's hopes for his safer smoking device were to be dashed when it failed to fit through the door...

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

'I don't understand why people say I'm having trouble quitting.'

'It's a nicotine patch: I'm trying to quit smoking...'

If they ban smoking in cars...

"See? Right there - it says bubblegum."

'It's a filthy and nasty habit, but at least, you won't end up with yellow teeth...'

Snowman

'The ones who smoke, masturbate... the ones who don't smoke, masturbate... is this a study on smoking or masturbation?'