Smoking Jokester Pillows

'The math is simple... for every smoking lounge we provide we save on seventy-six pensions.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

Cleaning the Horse

At The Clown Bank.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

C is for Cracker

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

'Tender and Juicy.'

A man seeking truth encounters a clown.

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

Parp!

"I got him in the sales