Smokehouse Expert Gifts

'Push the smoked turkey, the smoked ham, the smoked salmon...'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

Merry Christmas.

"I can really taste my food since giving up smoking, so I've started again."

"Gosh! Look what he's done to his Harry Potter books..."

A consumer guide to cheese.

'A lab had me smoking cigarettes for months. I'm living off my disability payments. You?'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'I can see you're going to be a bit of a challenge.'

Vaping cigarette

'I'm just checking my e-cigarette.'

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

Lighting a Pipe

'You rang?'

"Mr Hudson, could you kindly refrain from smoking in the brain scan machine."

'By the time the artist has started work on these still life he had sadly lipped into chronic alcoholism.'

"Bob sacrifices the first burger to the barbecue gods."

'I had a great holiday, what do you think of the suntan?'

Flamo the Fire Eater offering light to female bar patron

'He knew he was hyte when his last locofoco seemed gynecoid.'

'Mind if I smoke here, too?'

Pipe Dream

"Will you stop smoking in bed! Our money is in our mattress!"

"He likes his bones smoked."

'Excuse me, would you like a 'pre-coital cigarette'?'

'I need a plane I can fly high enough each day to smoke my cigars without offending anyone.'

"Check the catalytic converter while you're in there, please."

'You'll have to get off that now. I need to make an important call.'

"Do you have a non-smoking section..?"

I smoked for thirty years but I've given it up....

I'd suggest less drinking, less smoking and less watching Paris Hilton on TV as good New Years' resolutions.

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."