Smoke Wrangler Gifts

Burn All Your Garden Rubbish

'Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out.'

'Excuse me while I rub the smoke out of my glass eye.'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'

High Riders of the Old West

Lady to man taking picture of fish: 'Wiggle him a little and get him to smile.'

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

"How'd I do on the test?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

Flies up the ante!

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'Did you want me, boss?'

Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

"This way, O' Brien."

'Dang, we're losing a lot of strays.'

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

'Ever wish we were back on Wall Street?'

Skin Deep. Hey, that's my dermatologist! He must be doing pretty well! One man's rash is another man's pleasure!

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

"Hello?"

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."

'Fifi's having problems with flatulence!'

"Looks like we'll be walking today. The horses are staging a sit in."

Sales Clerk tricks woman into an instant merchandise exchange.

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

"Camping is in my blood! I harmonize with the humming of Mother Nature!"

"This internet forum ain't big enough fer the two of us."