Smoke And Sip Strategist Gifts

'Hey Bruce, good-on-yer-mate! It was a good idea of yours to set-up as a tobacconist and start selling alcohol... it certainly gets over the no-smoking legislation!'

Chez Nous Menu

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Little league world series of poker.

'How about a game of cards?'

To do before Saturday...

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

Jeff's Smorgasbord

Bad times to sneeze

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Making healthy eating bearable.

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

My first mistake.

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

'Can we move the beef jerky a smidge and display our organic cleanser?'

"Guac-A-Mole"

"Not sure if I'm hungry or bored."

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

"I can do this all day, marshmallow. I have a bright life ahead of me. You, on the other hand... I'm not so sure."

Gracie's Halloween Candy Exchange.

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

'I thought you wanted to get more involved with my sports.'