Smitten Chef T-Shirts

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

Bangers and Mash

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

Witch's Brew.

Little chef.

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

Stupid Microwave

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

Amy Sedaris

"I hear you helped make the stuffing. I like raisins."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Scales

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

Artichoking victim

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

'What the devil is that?

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.