Smirk Detective Gifts

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

'All right people...it's come to my attention that someone in this company isn't a team player.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

Office of the PR of the United States

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"Skip the ghost stories. Tell us your conspiracy theory again!"

Tony Blair and Blairwash.

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

'You're an inspector now?'

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

'I am a bit suspicious...In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'Free Lunch'...'

"The women on these dating sites don't seem to believe I'm a prince."

'The name's Victoria. I was told I could find a gumshoe here.'

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

'He died of too much money.'

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'What's with all the Pumpkin Pies?'

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

Golf Crime Scene.

'Do you have poor credit? . . . Visit paydayloanshark.com for instant cash!'

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

'We've finally computerized your files. Now we just have to get them off Facebook.'

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"

"Uh-oh!. . . Look out! Where did he come from? Something spooky is going on in this picture...Can you spot it?"

"I'm still in shock. He had such a trustworthy avatar."

'Do you have any idea how many dryer related cases we get around here?!'

'A large hole has appeared in the wall of the nudist camp - Police are looking into it.'