Smirk Detective Gifts

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

'I took a couple of years off after college to work on my smirk.'

'All right people...it's come to my attention that someone in this company isn't a team player.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

Office of the PR of the United States

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

"Skip the ghost stories. Tell us your conspiracy theory again!"

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

Tony Blair and Blairwash.

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

'You're an inspector now?'

'I am a bit suspicious...In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'Free Lunch'...'

"The women on these dating sites don't seem to believe I'm a prince."

'The name's Victoria. I was told I could find a gumshoe here.'

'He died of too much money.'

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'Do you have poor credit? . . . Visit paydayloanshark.com for instant cash!'

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

Golf Crime Scene.

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

"I'm still in shock. He had such a trustworthy avatar."

'A large hole has appeared in the wall of the nudist camp - Police are looking into it.'

"Uh-oh!. . . Look out! Where did he come from? Something spooky is going on in this picture...Can you spot it?"

'Do you have any idea how many dryer related cases we get around here?!'

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"

Conspiracy theories club - trust no one! (CCTV cameras watching each other).