Smile Connoisseur Gifts

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"He's a guard dog."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"I know it's misspelled, but market research shows that cute sells."

The Gettysburg Address in process.

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

'Take me to you lieder.'

Knickerless Cage.

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

Jerry Brown.

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"That damn dog's scratching again!"

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

'It's clear that we need Haitian refugees in America to do jobs Americans aren't willing to do... Like voting Democratic!'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

"Is that snow? We never get snow around here...what do we do?"

"Great-looking tie!"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

Don & DixieKiss No. 274385

Man in a Tuxedo

How's My Omnipotence? 1-800-CREATOR