Smartphone Sleuth T-Shirts

'I don't get it. The app says my cell phone is here in the kitchen, but I don't see it anywhere!'

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Clickbait

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

The Modern Godot

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

I'd rather be phishing.

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"I'm majoring in Communications with a minor in Leaking!"

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'Computer crime' 'To see your belongings visit our website www,burgular.com'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

'...if he only knew what I wrote about him on my blog.'

Two men converse secretively

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

Able to Google Stuff Man

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

What security flaw?

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."