Smartphone Sleuth Gifts

'I don't get it. The app says my cell phone is here in the kitchen, but I don't see it anywhere!'

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Clickbait

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

The Modern Godot

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

I'd rather be phishing.

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

"I'm majoring in Communications with a minor in Leaking!"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'Computer crime' 'To see your belongings visit our website www,burgular.com'

'...if he only knew what I wrote about him on my blog.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

Two men converse secretively

Able to Google Stuff Man

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

What security flaw?

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'