Smartphone Challenger Pillows

"This should be called a rude phone, instead of a smart phone. It just called me an idiot for not knowing how to use it."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Shellfie

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Mental Health System Breakdown

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

AI

Police Shootings: Searching for justice

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

"When they said I'll get unlimited calls and texts with my new mobile contract, I didn't realise they would all be from PPI insurance companies....."

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

New claims that GPs health damaged by government bureaucracy.

"I was admitted to heaven, but they didn't have WIFI."

'What's going on here? What you see is what I get, and what I see is what you get.'

Fred N. Smith: Bureaucrat, Public Servant, Whistle-Blower.

Selling Justice

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

"The good news is your husband is covered by insurance....The bad news is he suffered a mental breakdown from the registration process."

"Here's your problem."

'This is Hugh from PrivateMeds Inc. he's looking around the hospital...'

Love Hate Computer Relationship

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

In case of computer breakdown break glass

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'

'I don't understand. Is our performance going up or down?'

"The world needs revolutionaries...people who challenge the system, who question authority, who aren't afraid to say, 'I won't take anymore!'"

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'