Smartphone Challenger Pillows

"This should be called a rude phone, instead of a smart phone. It just called me an idiot for not knowing how to use it."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Shellfie

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Mental Health System Breakdown

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

AI

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

Police Shootings: Searching for justice

Capitalism

"When they said I'll get unlimited calls and texts with my new mobile contract, I didn't realise they would all be from PPI insurance companies....."

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

Selling Justice

New claims that GPs health damaged by government bureaucracy.

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

"I was admitted to heaven, but they didn't have WIFI."

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

Suicide Is a Rude Way to Interfere With Society Murdering You

'What's going on here? What you see is what I get, and what I see is what you get.'

Fred N. Smith: Bureaucrat, Public Servant, Whistle-Blower.

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

"The good news is your husband is covered by insurance....The bad news is he suffered a mental breakdown from the registration process."

"Here's your problem."

In case of computer breakdown break glass

"The world needs revolutionaries...people who challenge the system, who question authority, who aren't afraid to say, 'I won't take anymore!'"

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'

Love Hate Computer Relationship

'This is Hugh from PrivateMeds Inc. he's looking around the hospital...'

'I don't understand. Is our performance going up or down?'

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.