Small Talk Connoisseurs T-Shirts

"It's wet, but it's a dry wet."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Men gossiping

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

Pie chart of pub conversations

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

Silly News.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"But I haven't finished explaining about dollar-cost-averaging." "Sorry, I didn't register for this course."

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

White Wine Wisdom (2)

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

'I don't like it... It's too quiet.'

The End of the Worker Bees

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'This is our real-time chat room.'

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

"Hold that afterthought!"

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'

"He says he's a Professor of Rhetoric but I'm not persuaded."