Slug Whisperers T-Shirts

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Licensed Therapist

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Canine Companion

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Bert's dog training.'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'