Skunk Whisperer T-Shirts

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Your shoe's untied.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Turtle Hat

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

Business man sees himself as a shark

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

If that call's for me, I'm not here.

Snake with 'toxic' sign around it's neck.

"You've definitely got water retention..."

"It looks like it's an eye bank."

'Ever notice how when Dad snores the whole house shakes?'

"I just sold my entire back catalogue of songs for $185 million."

The definitive turning point in The Great Terrier-Squirrel War was the now-famous Trojan Acorn Maneuver.

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

"Don't be afraid of sharks. They generally attack only when provoked."

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Obedience School.

Don't have nightmares!

"Bingo, it's the hippy lady again! She always throws something interesting: last week it was honey-beer bread..."

'I'm not hibernating there again - I got the heebie-jeebies being around so many snakes!'

'I'm struggling with Empty Pouch Syndrome.'

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

"Pardon me, Karen. Would you be filling the bird feeder soon? Asking for a friend..."

Another episode of History Revealed!

"Sorry Bob, but it looks like your Pilot Fish was collateral damage in the feeding frenzy..."

DOG PARK - 'I can't believe they allow squirrels in here!'

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

"I wasn't talking in my sleep. I was negotiating."

'And you call yourself a hoop snake?'