Slow Romantic Gifts

"I don't want to rush things. Instead of hugging, why don't we just hold hands?"

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I gotta be me!"

"Mr. Right!"

"Recess does things to a man."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

Technology and Love

(First signs) (A half loaf of bread, ... a jug and a half of wine, and thou beside me.)

"While he was in Paris, Warren knew Picasso, Miró, Hemingway, Stravinsky, Cocteau, and Fitzgerald. Nothing ever came of it."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Spooning

'Like many studs of my generation, I have always had a love affair with the harmonica.'

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'Throw in your iPad and you've got a deal.'

"I'd love to spend more time with you, Jason, but you're not on my fall schedule."

"Oh, he's so romantic."

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'...tonights main feature is silent and in black and white.'

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"So, you're still doing the Western thing."

'Oh, the amenity!'

'We don't text anymore.'

"I like what you've done with your apartment and your clothes."

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"This locket contains my very first username and password."