Slow Pace Connoisseur Gifts

"Time travel will never happen. You'd have to be able to travel faster than the speed of a tortoise for it to be possible."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

Couch Potatoes

'The Rush Orders department is a shambles, Briggs, and I think you're just the man to turn it around,'

When the accounts department took the stationary cupboard Bob decided to book the Conflict Management course.

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Sorry, but your life moves so slowly that the ball keeps timing out."

Our hero rounds the bases to the bathroom, refrigerator, cupboard and slides safely into home!

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

Speed Checked By Radar.

Granny takes a turtle for a walk.

"Anyone home?"

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

If all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, we must be two of the sharpest guys around!

'Sorry, Bill's out of his office today, he should be back Monday.'

It's The Highway For People Who Hate To Drive

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

"I've always worked from home."

"When I was small, I used to be so busy. I was always running here and rushing there. Go, go, go. That was me. Now I just ride my bike or sit around watching mindless junk on TV. My life just keeps getting better and better all the time."

Tortoise Mailman.

'...and that concludes this five-hour seminar on 'slow life'.'

'Better slow it down a bit.'

"Well yes, we've been married for eighty years, but your grandma didn't want to rush things: We were engaged for thirty years before that..."

'I love my job, but the commute is killing me.'

"When life gets too hectic, I just like to stop, smell the roses, and write checks."

'When does salmon season start?!'

Snail hitching a lift to the other side of the garden from a tortoise

I may not be the smartest tortoise, but I've been around the block a few times. Well, once.

'On your mark...'

"Can you recommend any wines for the middle class?"