Slow-motion Humorist Gifts

Minutes before two sloths collide

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Football Chameleon

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"The Eggsorcist"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"I said slime."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

German School

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."