Slow-paced Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'So we're all agreed, the snail did it. Now we just have to figure out which direction he went.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Crime in bookshop

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Men Working Things Out

Clone Factory

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Inactivists"

Pokemon Get Lost

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

"Wow! Check out the moon."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya

Prescription Drugs '96.