Slow-cooker Sleuth T-Shirts

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

Eco-Anxiety For All Seasons

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

Horse meat scandal.

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Chef keeps the secrets of his sauces close to his chest"

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'There's a lamb chop in my soup.' - 'Oh, that's where it got to. It belongs to table six.'

"CSI Tulsa"

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

Waiter, there are tiny bubbles rising to the surface of my clam chowder. Conclusion" there's a flatulent fly in my soup. ? ?

I'm a long order cook.

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

'Okay, I give up. What do you put in your cake recipe that tastes so familiar?'

That elusive Pecorino!

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

"It's called The Pastry Shop Mystery. A real Whodoughnut."

Arthur Conan Doyle

"I'm telling you. . . something's not right with this coffee."

Trainspotter spotting: 'Gosh! A type 406 with original thermos.'

"I secretly put decaf in my office coffeemaker so all of my coworkers work at my speed.'

'Well, SURE our customers want more nutritional information, but what about OUR privacy?'

'Waiter, there are no vowels in my alphabet soup!'

"The secret was in the sauce."

Dog Evolution

'Thanks for the best birthday gift I ever got...a slow cooker.'

Scrutinising a burger under a magnifying glass.