Slot Machine Strategist Gifts

Kangaroo winning on a one-armed bandit.

Please Go Home

Planning for retirement in a casino.

'Sorry, this machine only takes small bills.'

"Isn't that the repair man, who mended that machine yesterday?"

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'I don't like to take chances.'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

Election slot machine. No matter the outcome, I always lose money.

Destination casinos...

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

Scrabble with the Hares and Tortoise

Monkey casino study.

Monopoly game - "You just gazumped me!"

'I'm all in.'

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'

'You're checking in for our flight--you don't have to play max coins.'

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you win.'

'So this is how they're recovering from insolvency?'

'Choked on his own vomit. I wonder how many points you get for that.'

An affair to remember.

General gets a jackpot of medals at the casino slot machine.

I just need exactly 30 minutes to go to a funeral. Exactly? That's how long it'll take me to march to the archipelago where Bajor was and light a dragon on fire in Bajor's honor. I hope you're going to tell me you're talking about some video game

'You had to go for a walk--now we've lost our table.'

Early Micronesian Casino

A bet over spelling

'Sir, would you please come with us?'

'We finally found a way to break the deadlock in our negotiations. I'll need a deck of cards and some poker chips.'