Slob Lifestyle Aficionado Pillows

House Hubby.

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

State of the Union

"I'm running a loose ship."

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

Self checkout and 'selfie' check out at a store.

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"I lost 5 pounds and you didn't even notice!"

'Must you eat without your shirt on? The crumbs falling into your navel are beginning to compost.'

"He started off with a lazy eye and it spread to his whole body."

'Call yourself domesticated!'

"I'm searching my family history in hopes of finding some generational trauma or institutionalized oppression that would explain whole I'm failing all my courses."

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

One of the many advantages of shopping online!

'He's lost his mobile phone - it must be in his chair somewhere!'

'What do you expect Marjorie, I am a grub.'

Whoever said 'change was inevitable' never saw Fred's underwear.

'It doesn't get any better than this.' 'That's what has me worried.'

"It's either a powercut or we're watching the microwave oven."

Couch potato with tator tots.

'Create excitement in your life! Paparazzi for hire!'

Geriatrics: 'wine...women...song'

"If I won the lottery, I would go on living as I always did."

"That corn on your foot is beginning to look nasty."

"Exercise: Check! Diet: Check! No vices: Check!"

'Maybe it's your diet?'

'One day son, all this will be yours.'

Modern nagging

'Gross...such an old school way of checking in!!!'

"Meet my husband, Mr Couch Potato, and our son...Tater Tot."