Slob Humorist Pillows

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

Homo Gamus

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

State of the Union

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"I'm running a loose ship."

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

'Must you eat without your shirt on? The crumbs falling into your navel are beginning to compost.'

House Hubby.

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

"He started off with a lazy eye and it spread to his whole body."

Plane Rescue

'Call yourself domesticated!'

'What do you expect Marjorie, I am a grub.'

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

'He's lost his mobile phone - it must be in his chair somewhere!'

'Damn! Sex and the City is not on tonight.' 'Does that mean no sex in the suburbs tonight either?'

Couch potato with tator tots.

"I'm afraid it's still rather young."

'It doesn't get any better than this.' 'That's what has me worried.'

'Water, there's a fly in my slop.'

"It's either a powercut or we're watching the microwave oven."

'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"Disgusting! I'm never going to get this guy properly trained! I think I'll just abandon him somewhere!"

'Leonard has hidden qualities, and they're best LEFT hidden.'

"Meet my husband, Mr Couch Potato, and our son...Tater Tot."

"Sand! Sand!"

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

'He's a case of unintelligent design.'

"Man, did we SCORE! Pot roast with gravy, tuna salad, and the best for last: financial documents with account AND social security numbers!"