Sleeptime Storyteller T-Shirts

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"Name your sources."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'