Sleep Storyteller T-Shirts

'I'm sorry, but I think you should find a new analyst... your dreams are just too boring for me.'

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

"... and then I wake up really thirsty and pour low-fat milk on my husband."

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Dog Nightmares

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"Name your sources."

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.