Sleep Advocates T-Shirts

'The gray sedan on the left. Its car alarm ruined my nap!'

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Baby zipping himself up then going to sleep

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

Oh, come on this insomnia is driving me nuts! Just shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, wouldja!

"What's with your hair?"

"You were snoring."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

'It's the worst possible diagnosis a bear can receive -- sleep apnea.'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

In the great green room there was a pot of coffee and a red-eyed dad, too. Good Morning Moon.

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

'What he lacks in intelligence he makes up for in stupidity.'

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."