Skywriter Gifts

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

Sky Editing.

"I'm gonna have to let him go - that's the third time this week he's had skywriter's block!"

ACME skywriting school

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Herman Mankiewicz

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Stand-up Romcom

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Someone must love someone very much indeed."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"